


Break Me, Heal Me

by katling



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, M/M, assassination attempt, but cullen mends it, but it's okay in the end, dorian's heart is broken
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-25
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-02 02:17:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8647849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katling/pseuds/katling
Summary: I was given this as a prompt by from my prompt post over on tumblr. 
The prompt was - The way you said, "I love you". 26.) Broken, as you clutch the sleeve of my jacket and beg me not to leave.
Cullen breaks Dorian's heart when he leaves but is it all as it seems?





	1. Chapter 1

“Cullen… Amatus… I love you.” 

Dorian clutched at the sleeve of Cullen’s jacket and tried not to think too hard about the fact that his voice was shaking and hoarse, that his hands were trembling and that his heart was shattering in his chest. Then Cullen looked at him with cold disdain and he staggered backwards in shock at the complete and utter rejection in the man’s face and eyes.

“Goodbye, Dorian,” Cullen said coldly.

Dorian’s knees gave out from underneath him as he watched Cullen walk out of the house without a backward glance and he sank down to sit on the floor. He had no idea how long he was there until the door opened again and Maevaris came in, one of his servants hovering behind her.

“Oh, _Dorian_ ,” she breathed and the wealth of sympathy and kindness in her voice was enough to break the final thread holding together Dorian’s composure.

He barely acknowledged her marshalling the servants to pick him up and carry him upstairs, so lost in his grief and despair was he. She bathed him herself though and chivvied him into bed. She then climbed in herself and just held him as he sobbed out his heartbreak in her arms.

She was still there the next morning, calm and quiet, as he got out of bed and dressed. She was there as he forced himself to eat a little fruit and she stayed as he went through the motions in the meetings he no longer cared about. He felt numb and broken and lost and every time he looked around for Cullen and remembered that he wasn’t there and would never again be there, something inside him broke a little more.

And that was how the days passed. He got up, he ate a little, he went through the motions then he fell into a cold and lonely bed and cried until he passed out. Maevaris was there every day, a quiet, calm, silent presence for the most part. He didn’t drink or throw himself into debauchery as he had in the past. Cullen had been different from anyone else who had broken his heart and it seemed only right that his reaction to being discarded was equally different.

Then came the night of the Archon’s party. He didn’t want to go but if Magister Pavus wasn’t there, it would be noted and little though he cared about it anymore, he would not let the Lucerni be weakened by his despair. So he dressed in his finest clothes, used a little more makeup than usual to cover the marks of loss on his face and escorted Maevaris to the Archon’s palace. 

He got his first shock when they walked through the doors. Cullen was there, standing next to Magister Hypatia Nilan, smiling at the woman and generally doting on her with the loving look on his face that used to be directed at Dorian. He made a choked noise at the sight and would have turned and left if Maevaris didn’t tighten her grip on his arm.

“Courage,” she murmured.

He repeated that word in his mind as he forced himself to move forward, to smile, to respond wittily to the Magister, to even smile at Cullen and ignore the look of malicious triumph on Hypatia’s face. But as soon as he could, he grabbed a glass of wine and retreated to one of the balconies. Once outside, he faced away from the party and took a long gulp of the wine. He let out a shuddering breath and wondered how in Andraste’s name he was supposed to get through this night.

He was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the two men moving up behind him until it was too late. He whirled around, fire flashing in his palm and time seemed to slow down. He noticed the closed doors to the balcony, the curtain that had been allowed to drop to conceal them from view. He saw the attackers, one a stranger, the other so achingly, horribly familiar.

_Cullen. Cullen with a sword in his hand and a glare on his face._

He saw them come towards him and at the last moment he saw Cullen twist sharply and rap the other man on the head with the pommel of his sword, dropping him instantly. Then Cullen was _there_ , in front of him, his face grim and expressionless. He was there, grabbing Dorian around the waist and yanking him back, towards the side of the balcony, the fire in Dorian’s hand dying because even now he couldn’t bear the thought of harming even a hair on Cullen’s head.

“Maevaris!” Cullen barked and time seemed to speed up again, back to normal, back into a confused mess of shouting and people milling around and staring and the Archon glaring at Hypatia Nilan as his guards marched her away in chains and carried the unconscious assassin away as well. In all that time, Dorian stayed where he was, caught tight in Cullen’s one-armed embrace, frozen with confusion and unable to even begin to figure out what had just happened.

Then Maevaris was there, smiling at him and kissing him on the cheek and the people and the guards and the Archon all disappeared as the curtains swung back down to give them privacy. There was a clatter as Cullen’s sword hit the floor and he was cradling Dorian’s face in his large warm hands in bn achingly familiar gesture that made Dorian’s heart stutter.

“Dorian? Are you alright? Did he hurt you?”

Dorian stared at him with a lack of understanding then slowly shook his head, feeling like his neck was creaking.

“Cullen?” he said finally, his voice hoarse and sounding lost.

“Oh, love, I am sorry,” Cullen breathed, peppering kisses all over his face. “I am so, so sorry. We got wind of that Nilan woman’s plans months ago but every time we tried to protect you or make a move against her, it was like everything just vanished into thin air. Maevaris said the only way we’d catch her is to let you be vulnerable, to let her make the assassination attempt she wanted and that the only way she’d believe you were really vulnerable is if… you thought it was all real. That I really had abandoned you.”

Dorian stared at him blankly as the words slowly sank in. “You… you haven’t?”

Cullen made a low, pained noise, like someone had punched him in the gut. “ _No_. No, Dorian, never. I love you. I will always love you, even if I don’t deserve it, not after what I had to do to you.”

“You love me?” Dorian whispered, one hand coming up to cradle Cullen’s face.

Cullen leaned into his touch. “Can you ever forgive me, Dorian? For hurting you like that. I didn’t want to but I… I had to protect you.”

“I can protect myself,” Dorian objected, understanding finally starting to dawn on him that Cullen was here, was saying he loved him and meant it. He knew Cullen. He knew the man couldn’t lie worth a damn, that every truth was written right on his face. Though… he might have to revise that idea all things considered. But not right now. No, right now Cullen’s face was open and desperate and his love and pain and worry were written there for all to see.

“I know you can, love,” Cullen said with a wan smile. “But she wasn’t going to use magic against you.”

“You…” Dorian frowned and looked around the balcony. “She sent you.”

Cullen nodded. “That was the plan. Pretend to reject you then go to her. She’d be so smugly triumphant, she wouldn’t question it. She’d trust me and use me against you then we’d have an assassination attempt in front of the Archon himself to nail her with. I wasn’t so sure about it but Maevaris swore to me it would work, that she knew Nilan well enough to be one hundred percent confident it would work.”

“That’s why…”

He trailed off and Cullen gave him a worried look. “Dorian?”

“That’s why she stayed with me.”

Another one of those wan smile appeared on Cullen’s face. “It was the only way I’d agree to the plan. If she stayed with you and made sure you were okay.”

All of a sudden, everything came crashing down on Dorian. The assassination, Cullen’s revelation, the truth. Everything. He gasped out a sob and then he was being wrapped up in Cullen’s warm embrace, something he’d never thought he’d ever feel again, and he couldn’t help the tears that flowed and the sobs that wracked him.

He was dimly aware through his tears that Cullen was rocking him gently, murmuring soothing words and saying, “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry” over and over and over again. He burrowed into the other man, into his warmth, his embrace, and just breathed in his scent. He didn’t know how long they stood there before he finally raised his head and looked into Cullen’s worried eyes.

“I’m still mad at you,” he said in a shaking voice. “And we are having an argument about this later. A loud, messy argument.”

Cullen’s smile was tiny but he seemed more relieved than anything else. “I think that’s more than fair.”

“And I expect grovelling. Lots of grovelling.”

“Absolutely.”

“And pandering to my every wish.”

“Of course.”

Dorian let out a shuddering breath and clung to Cullen a little tighter. “Take me home.”

Cullen closed his eyes, relief written over every inch of him. “Yes,” he said fervently.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I wrote another chapter for this for another prompt from my Nano prompt post. I just felt the whole thing needed some more fluff. (The prompt was: “You are very endearing when you are half-asleep.")
> 
> This is obviously set the morning after and involves a little more talk about what happened and a pleasant surprise from Cullen.

As Dorian slowly woke up, he became aware of two things. The first was little more than minutiae – that the breeze wafting through the room was still cool but gave a promise to the day being hot – and the second was something he almost didn’t believe was true – that he was being held in a strong protective embrace. He breathed in Cullen’s familiar scent and let out his breath with a shudder. 

“Cullen,” he murmured, still half-asleep and not entirely sure if he was asking a question or simply affirming that the man was there.

“Good morning, love,” came the low voiced reply.

Dorian gave a sigh and wriggled around so that he could look up and reassure himself that Cullen was really truly there. The man was smiling softly at him and when their eyes met, Cullen brushed his fingers over his cheek then through his hair.

“You’re very endearing when you’re half asleep,” Cullen said with soft amusement.

Dorian made a quiet harrumphing sound and nuzzled into Cullen’s chest hair. “I’m never endearing,” he mumbled.

Cullen ran his hand through Dorian’s hair again. “You’re endearing more often than you’ll admit to.”

Dorian harrumphed again then closed his eyes, finally willing to admit that the last few hellish weeks were over.

“Still mad at you,” he muttered.

He could hear the fond amusement and the regret in Cullen’s voice as he replied. “I’m not surprised.”

He propped his chin on Cullen’s chest and eyed him soberly. “You couldn’t have told me? I am an excellent actor, you know.”

Cullen was silent for a moment, as though he wasn’t sure he wanted to say what he was about to say. “Some of the servants are not loyal. Getting rid of them back then would have just alerted Nilan that we knew and, well, you know how servants gossip. If it didn’t look genuine, she would have known.” He grimaced. “I wanted Mae to tell you in private after I left but she was adamant that it had to be done this way. And well…” He sighed. “She’s the expert in Tevinter politics and skulduggery, not me. I had to take her word for it.”

Dorian mulled over that. He wanted to rant and rave but… he knew that Maevaris was very skilled in the Game and moreover he knew that she would never deliberately hurt him. If she’d thought this was the only path that could work then he also had to take her word for it, little though he liked it.

“We are getting rid of those servants now,” he said tartly. “I won’t have disloyal people working for me.”

Cullen smiled, his expression full of understanding. “I thought you might say that. Maevaris has the list. She said she’d send it over today.”

Dorian settled down again. They hadn’t done much talking last night about what had happened. Dorian had not been in the mood and Cullen had been concentrating more on coddling him. He’d run him a luxurious bath and given him a back massage then Cullen had taken him to bed and practically _worshipped_ him until Dorian had been so lost in pleasure, he’d been all but inarticulate.

In truth, he didn’t think there was really much more to talk about. He had the basics about why it had been done and given the decisions had been made by Cullen and Maevaris – two people he trusted more than life itself – he was willing to accept that they’d had no other choice. Certainly Cullen’s actions since the aborted assassination attempt the previous night backed all of that up. And he was in no mood to relive and rehash those hideous weeks when Cullen had been gone. Not now and not any time soon.

Not that he was _quite_ ready to completely forgive either of them. He didn’t care how logical and necessary their actions had been, having his heart ripped to shreds like that had been more painful than even his father’s betrayal. Even now, he still felt shaky and uncertain, like he wasn’t entirely sure the ground underneath him was stable.

“Mae made a suggestion that I think is a good one,” Cullen said, drawing him out of his thoughts.

“Oh? I hope it’s not as unpleasant as her last one,” Dorian said archly.

Cullen brushed his fingers over Dorian’s cheek in apology again. “She has a summer house by the coast.”

“I am aware of that.”

“She says we should go there for a few weeks and forget all about Minrathous and its wretched politics.”

Dorian actually chuckled at that. He had no doubt that was exactly what Maevaris had said, word for word. He also felt some more of his disgruntlement fall away. He knew why Mae had made the offer. She wanted to give them a chance to re-establish their relationship away from the glare of the Magisterium.

“I rather like that idea,” he said with a smile.

“I was…” 

Cullen hesitated and licked his lips nervously. Dorian was instantly intrigued.

“You were?” he prompted.

“I, er, I’ll understand if you say no to this, the political situation here being what it is,” Cullen began, “but I… I was hoping while we were away, we could…”

He stopped and licked his lips again then he scowled, an expression Dorian could tell was directed at himself, not anyone else.

“Dorian,” he began again. “Will you marry me? Mae says she knows a Chantry priest who is willing to perform the ceremony and she wants to take care of everything as a way of apologising for what we put you through…”

He broke off because Dorian was staring at him, all wide-eyed and with an utterly flabbergasted expression on his face.

“You want to marry me?” Dorian asked, his tone flat and expressionless.

Cullen looked very wary. “…Yes?”

“You want to marry me,” Dorian repeated. “Forever.”

“I, well, that’s usually what marriage implies so yes,” Cullen replied. Dorian’s continued silence seemed to spur him into action again. “This… this isn’t something new that I’ve wanted to do and it’s not because of... what just happened. I’ve wanted to marry you…” He averted his eyes and blushed and Dorian knew that if they’d been sitting up, Cullen would be rubbing the back of his neck in that adorable unconscious gesture of his. “Well, for a very long time.”

“How long?” Dorian still couldn’t quite wrap his mind around what Cullen was asking.

Cullen’s blushed deepened. “Um, I started thinking about it not long before we went to the Arbor Wilds.”

Dorian’s eyes widened again. They’d only begun their relationship in the wake of Adamant and the Masquerade Ball at the Winter Palace. “That long?” he breathed.

Cullen looked very bashful. “I’ll admit it was just wild fantasies back then since I had no idea if you even wanted to be with me long term but…” He smiled slightly. “I wanted it anyway. I almost asked after the Inquisitor defeated Corypheus but you started talking about going back to Tevinter and, well…”

Dorian winced and leaned up to give Cullen a quick kiss. The week or two after he’d first broached that subject had been awkward to say the least. They’d ended up talking at cross-purposes for most of that time with Cullen thinking he was leaving him behind and Dorian attempting (and failing) to figure out a way to ask Cullen to come with him. That had lasted only until Cassandra and the Inquisitor had gotten exasperated with their respective moping and meddled. 

“I thought about it again when the Exalted Council was announced and you wrote to tell me you were coming,” Cullen continued, drawing Dorian out of his thoughts. “I thought that no matter what happened at the Exalted Council…” He paused and smiled wryly. “Rylen was ready to step up and… I was ready to find a new path, even if that path lay in Tevinter.”

“Then I got the letter about my father’s death,” Dorian said.

“Well, yes, but that just made me want to come with you even more,” Cullen replied. “It was more the mess with Solas that had me pulling back on that occasion.” He shrugged. “Then the Inquisitor disbanded the Inquisition and you asked me to join you here. Then the Inquisitor asked me to be involved in her little hidden force and… it’s just never seemed to be the right time.”

He untangled himself from Dorian and got out of bed. He walked over to the dresser on the other side of the room and rummaged around in one of the drawers, pulling out a small box. He came back to the bed and sat down facing Dorian. He opened the box and turned it around.

“Dorian, will you marry me?”

Dorian stared at Cullen for a moment then down at the ring in the box. The ring was simple but elegant, made of gold with a single ruby embedded in it and with a pattern of serpents and… he laughed when he realised the other animal engraved with the serpent was a lion. He pulled the ring out of the box and put it on his finger.

“You ridiculous man,” he said, feeling completely unashamed at the waver in his voice. “Of course I’ll marry you. But don’t think this gets you out of all the grovelling you owe me.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Cullen said as he pulled him into a heated kiss then there were no more words exchanged as they fell back onto the bed.


End file.
